Atlanta Braves

By the time you read this Gabe Kapler will have gotten the bullpen up again

……………………..What the hell was that?

No, really. What the hell did we just see? Fifteen pitchers used in the first two games of the season (an MLB record, one of the bad ones), which forced the Phillies to address the ALREADY TAXED bullpen (on game 2) by contemplating a roster move to bring up an additional pitcher for Saturday’s game.

Kapler trotted out to the mound over the weekend like a man who realized he had forgotten about cardio training for the last 15 years of his life.

But somehow, SOMEHOW that wasn’t even the worst part of the weekend. The worst part was watching Gabe Kapler’s brain fog over from inhaling too much fermented sloth piss (it does wonders to balance your Chi) before the game and summon Hoby Milner in relief for third inning during Saturday’s bloodbath DESPITE the lefty having not thrown a warmup pitch.

What was he expecting Milner to do, kick the ball to home plate? This led to crew chief Jerry Lane openly chastising Kapler for his incredible amounts of incompetence in managing the Phillies in the third game of his career.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen an umpire openly go into a manager on the record for putting his athletes in danger of being injured.

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Opening day 20 years ago looked mighty depressing for the Phillies

Good lord….look at this absolute DRECK that the Phillies smeared across the faces of their fans on opening day in 1998.

Passenger manifestos for crashed airline flights are less depressing than Philadelphia’s 1998 opening day lineup.

I don’t remember one detail of this Mark Lewis guy. You could have told me he played second base for the Philadelphia team on the NES classic Bases Loaded and I would have believed it. Whoever it was, I don’t think he had a historic run for the Fightins.

What was the average attendance per game this season? 8,000? 7,000? Did they let fans pinch hit in the later innings?

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Noted ballhawk Zack Hample demanded USSR anthem be played prior to Ft. Bragg game

zack-hample-arod

Communist menace Zack Hample.

Famed ballhawk Zack Hample has found himself in hot water on the Fourth of July.

Hample, who has claimed to have caught more than 9,000 combined foul balls and home runs at professional baseball games, reportedly demanded the national anthem of the USSR be played prior to the beginning of Sunday’s Fort Bragg game.

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