Noted ballhawk Zack Hample demanded USSR anthem be played prior to Ft. Bragg game


Communist menace Zack Hample.

Famed ballhawk Zack Hample has found himself in hot water on the Fourth of July.

Hample, who has claimed to have caught more than 9,000 combined foul balls and home runs at professional baseball games, reportedly demanded the national anthem of the USSR be played prior to the beginning of Sunday’s Fort Bragg game.

Attendance at the the Fort Bragg game, played between the Miami Marlins and Atlanta Braves, was only available to members of the military and their family members. Hample reportedly received a ticket after posting a “want ad” on the dating App Tinder.

Eyewitnesses reported Hample attended the game draped in a USSR flag and successfully lobbied the employee running the PA system to play the National Anthem of the Soviet Union. Hample then stood on the pitcher’s mound, waved a USSR flag back and forth, and attempted to lead the crowd in a recital of the anthem.

“USSR is #1!” Hample reportedly yelled into the microphone, brandishing a hammer and sickle to security guards who attempted to escort him off the field.


American savior Jim Duggan.

Hample also announced before the game that any foul balls he received would be auctioned off to the highest bidder, with proceeds being donated to a local Communist party.

Hample continued his recital of the anthem until a grizzled Jim Duggan hit him over the head with a 2×4, gave the crowd a thumbs up, and screamed “hooooooooo!” at the top of his lungs to thunderous applause.

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