Ahhhh nuts, on to winter I guess

Please sign him, Ruben.

Please sign him, Ruben.

No Dario Saric next year, Joel Embiid’s foot fell off last week (or so I’ve heard) and the Lakers may draft D’Angelo Russell, ruining literally MINUTES of work I put in on Twitter to interview the kid.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Philadelphia sports scene moving into the depths of summer. Did you know yesterday was the official first day of summer? I bet you didn’t, but it’s all downhill from here folks until we find ourselves in another dank, dark, depressing Northeast winter.

Before you know it you’ll be digging your driveway out of 2-feet of snow, the Eagles will be 6-6, Sam Bradford will be hurt, and Joel Embiid will be sitting out another year after getting his foot amputated.

It does not help when you realize you witnessed the most entertaining moment of the Phillies season on Friday night and it didn’t even come on the field. A crazed squirrel tried to commit suicide at the ballpark so it wouldn’t have to watch one more minute of one of the most putrid Phillies squads to ever put on a uniform. I’ll watch that clip of the suicidal squirrel again and again before I watch any highlights of this nonsensical season. Seeing that squirrel bounce off the Phillies dugout after jumping 20 feet down and then flinging himself into the dugout will 100% be the best thing I see all year.

I only wish it had bitten Bob McClure and given him rabies.

How do the Phillies still have over 90 games left in the season? It’s more depressing than anything on True Detective, which was not all that entertaining last night. Ballers stunk too, making me believe it will be less of a black Entourage and more of a black Arliss.

Good god this is depressing. I blame the Phillies for putting me in this shit mood. The NBA draft is on Thursday, I should be excited, and all I can think about is Joel Embiid’s gouty foot and Sam Hinkie doing something stupid.

When does it end, people?

At least we still have the squirrel. Sign the squirrel. Put up clips of him jumping on the Jumbotron each night.

May god have mercy on us all.

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