Roman Reigns

The 2024 All-Philadelphia Royal Rumble

Oh my god we are SO very much back.

It’s been FOUR long years since the last All-Philadelphia Royal Rumble. We survived a pandemic, a Donald Trump presidency (though, ya know, that might change later this year), dozens upon dozens of 76ers second round exits, and two horrifically shitty championship ventures that we’re STILL trying to get over.

The last time we did this was 2020. Nobody had any idea what COVID-19 was yet, Ben Simmons still had a working spine, and we were all looking forward to the innovative ideas Joe Girardi would be bringing to the Phillies.

It’s been four years of garbage since. We’re wallowing through a horrendous Eagles collapse, the Phillies blew the NLCS against a pitiful Diamondbacks teams, the 76ers are still a piece away, and the Flyers are the Flyers. Nobody cares about the Flyers.

So it’s time. It’s time to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, look to the future, and absolutely bust Howard Eskin open with a steel chair.

Ladies and gentlemen, the All-Philadelphia Royal Rumble is BACK.

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WWE Raw episode found more believable than possibility of Eagles Super Bowl win

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The fireflies out in full effect. 

Philadelphia, PA – The latest episode of WWE’s popular Monday Night Raw was found to be more realistic than the possibility of an Eagles Super Bowl victory by Phillip Thompson, 6, of Cherry Hill.

Thompson, who expressed legitimate anxiety that Roman Reigns would really be fired from the company if he did not defeat Sheamus in the night’s championship match, warned his father to temper expectations of the Eagles making a run in the playoffs, or even making the playoffs at the end of the year.

“I just don’t see it happening, really, they had a nice couple of games but I really think they don’t have much of a chance. Don’t be foolish, ” he warned his dad. “Wow, I hope Bubba Ray Dudley is okay, he went right through that table! I bet he broke his back and is going to be out for a long, long time. I wonder how he’s going to be back next week?”

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