According to the Book of Revelations, there will be seven signs that the world is close to calling it quits and entering the apocalypse.

With the announcement that Ric Flair will be attending Wing Bowl, I think we’re one step closer today.

I’m no theologist, but I’m fairly sure that the Bible says the first sign of the Apocalypse is Ric Flair attending Wing Bowl in Philadelphia.

Let me look it up for a second…ahh, here we go, Revelations 6:10-15 says the following:

And thus the Lord hath spoken, when the final days descend upon humanity, a great hero of  flaxen blond, silken hair and eyes of black shall enter gomorrah and the masses shall exalt his presence, calling back to him with woos of plenty. And thus, when the hero crosses the threshold of the conquered valley, the seal shall open with a tremor and the rider shall streak across the sky with a tremendous cry, and the dead shall walk upon the earth once again.

We’re screwed. We’re so screwed. My eyes are boiling in their sockets just thinking about it.

Make peace with your god, ladies and gentleman, because I can’t think of a way we’re going to get out of this one. I can see it now….the sky will turn the color of blood seconds after Flair knocks up his fifth wingette of the morning.

I need to go to church.

At least it will be amusing to see Angelo Cataldi try to flee from the dead and have the flesh ripped from his bones for his multitude of sins. God hates a flip-flopper, after all.