Los Angeles, Calif. – Chase Utley, a man of few words who lets his actions do the talking, really fucked the Phillies the right way last night in front of thousands of Dodgers fans and Phillies fans on television.

Not known for his flashy style, the gritty second baseman lashed a home run to right field in his first game against his old team. While it may have been tempting to flaunt his success and rub his good fortune in the face of the franchise that traded him away, Utley simply kept his head down while he fucked the Phillies long and deep.

It was hard for any fan watching Utley give the Phillies a good butt fucking last night to not hearken back to Harry Kalas’s famous call, “Chase Utley, you are the man!” and not remember his time in Philadelphia.

Even if he was fucking the Phillies raw.

“I miss seeing that. So many stars would take the opportunity to hoot and holler, stop to admire their fucking, maybe flip their massive sex toy in the air after a particularly good, hard pounding….but not Chase. Not his style. He just kept his head down and kept on fucking,” said Christina Smolenski of Center City.

“Almost brought a smile to my face, even if he was fucking the Phillies without any protection or regard to his partner’s safety. Brought back some great memories.”

Sources confirmed Utley did not call the Phillies this morning, but said he would enjoy another shot at that “sweet ass” for the next two nights.