110-pound, acne free Lane Johnson addresses claims and denies PED use


Lane Johnson circa 2015.

Philadelphia, PA – Following reports from Howard Eskin and Darren Degaetano that Eagles right tackle Lane Johnson would face a 10-game suspension for PED use, the gaunt and sickly looking offensive lineman spoke out this afternoon and denied the reports.

Practically swimming in his jersey, the 110-pound Johnson addressed the rumors and said he hadn’t touched a PED since his first violation in 2014.

Sources confirmed that the clear skinned and pencil-thin legged athlete struggled to hold up a microphone as he addressed the assembled media.

“I have not done a PED since my first suspension in 2014. I’ve learned my lesson,” the high voiced Johnson said.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go practice,” he said, putting on a helmet that was five-times too big for his head as he jogged out to the field.

If the suspension is upheld it will be a disappointment for the franchise, as reports out of training camp have said Johnson’s back has never been more clear of acne and his testicles never fuller.

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