Editor’s Note: Oh Snickers….Snickers, Snickers, Snickers. Three weeks in a row you’ve gotten your predictions wrong. We’re only going to give you a stay of execution because you managed to predict the Eagles would cover the spread. If it weren’t for your ability to actually get a few gambling predictions correct, we’d have crushed your skull under your steel-toed boots long ago. Don’t get too comfortable, though, that wood chipper still has your name written all over it.
This is no longer fun for me. I can’t work under this pressure. I didn’t sign up to be harassed and yelled at by an editor who pays me in moldy orange rinds and used condoms wrapped in tissue paper.
But I’m a professional, a professional sports predicting possum and my dedication is to YOU, the readers.
Hey it’s me, Snickers the Possum! If there are two things in this world that I know, it’s that my hairless tail drives the women possums crazy and I’m an excellent football analyst!
Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkk am I ever going to predict one of these correctly? It’s times like these that try a possum’s soul and I’m seriously considering just skittering away into oblivion and never picking a game again. But I can’t do that….I can’t stop…I WON’T stop predicting these games, my dedication is just too high.
So our Eagles actually played to their strengths last week and pulled out a hard fought victory against the Jets. Can they continue their streak against the hated Redskins? Well, it will certainly be a sloppy game on and off the field, as two underachieving teams are set to play in the MIDDLE OF A GOD DAMN HURRICANE.
I don’t know about you folks, but storms always put a bit of a bristle into my hide. You never know if a tree branch is going to crush your trash can home and send you to the great tree in the sky. I’ve already taken several precautions and have procured two egg cartons that I shall huddle under during the duration.
If there’s any luck in this whatsoever the Hurricane will suck up the Fielding’s evil cat and bash him into a brick wall. I’ve had enough of that nosey prick.
On to the predictions!
Eagles (1-2) at Redskins (1-2)
Point spread: Eagles -3
This is the one I get right. Even with Desean Jackson set to come back for the Skins, the Eagles and their vastly improving defense will do their best to give him and quarterback Kirk Cousins an early case of chronic traumatic encephalopathy. Look for a complete team win this week, with a hopefully returning DeMarco Murray, Ryan Mathews and Darren Sproles leading the way on offense in a muddy, rainy, wind filled game.
Eagles stomp the Redskins this week.
Prediction: 27 – 10, Eagles win.
Snickers W-L record (0-3 … oof) record against the spread (2-1)