Lesser known players invited to Phillies spring training


Known simply as GLC, the new Spring Training batting instructor (right) will provide solid hitting advice and fiscal responsibility to the Phillies this year.

Clearwater, Fla – Each year, hope springs eternal for a number of minor league players invited to Clearwater, Florida, to participate in Spring training workouts with the Philadelphia Phillies. The CT has compiled a list of long shots who have been invited to Spring training, but will most likely not begin the year in the major leagues.

George Louis Costanza – Assistant to the traveling secretary – Invited to Spring Training as a hitting instructor, Costanza was last seen in the big leagues delivering hitting instruction to Bernie Williams and a young Derek Jeter. Believes in the simplicity of physics. Calculate the velocity, v, in relation to the trajectory, t, in which g, gravity, of course remains a constant.  It’s not complicated. One con, however, as the Yankees were only able to win the World Series that year in six games.

Thomas Langford – Right handed pitcher – Invited to Spring training after Ruben Amaro Jr. saw him throw a 72 mile per hour pitch at the fast-pitch game on the Ocean City Boardwalk last summer. Immediately signed the 39 year old father of 3 to a minor league deal worth $1.2 million guaranteed.

Johnny “Wild Thing” Thomasino – Catcher – A 17-year-old catching prospect that some feel is being brought along to the big leagues too quickly. However, can quote the entire “Major League” film trilogy from memory, so he’s always good for a laugh.

Oscar “El Dorado” Nunez – Left fielder – After missing out on three highly touted Cuban prospects, Phillies scouts used the entirety of their international signing budget on Nunez after a translator declared him to be a “great driver” of the ball to all parts of the field. It was later found that a bit was lost in translation, as Nunez was a “great driver” of athletes to ball fields, his former profession being that of a taxi driver who shuttled ballplayers to and from games in his coveted Cadillac Eldorado each season. Still invited to Spring training.

Lenny Dykstra – Former Phillies center fielder – Has been brought in to provide Ryan Howard with some solid financial advice and investment opportunities.

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