Rio de Janiero

Hold on a second…was Carson Wentz in Brazil with Ryan Lochte?

022816_carson-wentz_1200Not a good day if you’re a fan of the U.S. men’s Olympic swim team, folks.

If you’re following the soap opera currently unfurling in Rio this week with several members of the U.S. swimming team than I’m sure you’ve already seen the newest wrinkle to this very strange story.

This newest tidbit broke this morning and further lends doubt to the story Ryan Lochte told the media earlier this week about being robbed at gunpoint by fake Brazil police officers.

Oh boy. Ryan Lochte, you’ve got some splainin’ to do.

But hold on a second…seems like a familiar story. Where have I seen something like this before…hmmm….

OH MY GOD WE’VE BUSTED THIS STORY WIDE OPEN.

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Sentient, black goo found in Rio waterways warns Olympians to steer clear

black-goo

Rio de Janiero, Brazil – In a stunning turn of events, a sentient mass of black goo that slithered its way out of Guanabara Bay and crawled up a podium addressed the Olympic athletes and warned them to not partake in this year’s game if they value their own safety.

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Washed up corpses now largest contingency attending Rio Olympics

812px-2016_summer_olympics_logo-svgRio de Janiero, Brazil – With more reports of dead bodies washing up on the shores of Rio just weeks before the 2016 Olympics, the International Olympic Committee confirmed the corpses are now officially the largest contingency to send athletes┬áto the games.

The dead have now sent nearly 1,000 representatives to compete in the Olympics, most of whom have already washed up on the beaches of Rio, ready and raring to get started.

Several experts have already declared the corpses to have a significant edge in many of the water based events, as their bloated, gas filled bodies create “superior buoyancy” and have “little, if any fear” of the rampant filth and disease that has forced elite athletes to pull out of the games.

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