Rio de Janiero, Brazil – With more reports of dead bodies washing up on the shores of Rio just weeks before the 2016 Olympics, the International Olympic Committee confirmed the corpses are now officially the largest contingency to send athletes to the games.
The dead have now sent nearly 1,000 representatives to compete in the Olympics, most of whom have already washed up on the beaches of Rio, ready and raring to get started.
Several experts have already declared the corpses to have a significant edge in many of the water based events, as their bloated, gas filled bodies create “superior buoyancy” and have “little, if any fear” of the rampant filth and disease that has forced elite athletes to pull out of the games.
“With so many athletes pulling out of this year’s games due to fears of the Zika virus, dirty playing conditions, polluted event water, unsafe athlete villages, it’s welcome news that corpses will now have strong representation in the Olympics,” said Thomas Bach, president of the International Olympics Committee.
The corpses have already been well received by the locals, who have flocked to the local beaches, docks and jetties to welcome the contingency to Rio. Several local children have also taken to poking the bloated bodies with sticks.
While they’re not a vocal group, the corpse contingency seems content to lie around, work on their tans, and feed the native wildlife.
At press time, John Thompson, president of the corpse contingency, skipped a meeting with media members today and instead took a meeting with local hermit crabs and seagulls, who declared him delicious.