Rick Tocchett

Drunken, shirtless Ron Hextall announces he’ll be starting in goal tonight

hextall080614_672Vancouver, British Columbia – Perhaps frustrated as of late by his team’s mediocre play and inspired by St. Patrick’s Day, a visibly intoxicated Ron Hextall held an impromptu press conference on the tarmac of the Vancouver International Airport, in which he stated he would be starting in goal tonight for the Philadelphia Flyers.

“Steve Lason (sic) has been great for us recently, but he needs a night off. I’ll be stepping in between the pipes tonight….who wants to tell me I can’t?” Hextall said, slurring every other word as team officials pleaded with the current GM to leave the airport and take a nap at the hotel.

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