Julian Edelman, experiencing a moment of clarity at Super Bowl XLIX before descending back into a dark haze.
Phoenix, Arizona – One day after Super Bowl XLIX, new controversies have arisen in the NFL following what looked like New England Patriot’s wide receiver Julian Edelman receiving a concussion early in the fourth quarter of the biggest football game of the year.
Edelman was cleared to return to action by an independent neurologist, but critics of the NFL say Edelman had no business being on the field after he appeared woozy and disoriented on the sidelines after suffering a big hit.
Edelman responded to questions on his possible injury Monday afternoon.
“Hamburger,” the glassy eyed Edelman told several AP reporters. “Ripened hamburgers on the vine morning, noon and night. Monkey wrenches tidal plains.”
Edelman then drooled on himself for 45 seconds until a reporter snapped her fingers in his face, bringing him out of his daze. His stunted eyes focused on her for about a minute, before he stuffed a handful of his beard in his mouth.
“It was a big hit, I’ll give you that, but I’ve been in worst kite accidents before, and I’ll be there again, believe me,” Edelman droned on, as the reporters awkwardly glanced at each other. “Just point me in the direction of that pool and I’ll be there to take a dip.”
As the reporters moved away from the cross-eyed wide receiver, reports stated that he followed them around the Phoenix complex for several minutes, despite their quickened pace to separate themselves from the athlete.
“Guys, guys! Wait a second, I’ve got to tell you a big secret,” he said, stopping the reporters. He then proceeded to not speak for 10 minutes, his fractured brain desperately trying to make sense of the situation.
Luckily, the reporters were able to make their escape when a paper cup struck Edelman in the head and rendered him unconscious for 25 minutes.