Bryce Harper scared the Nationals and their fan base straight last night

You want to act hard, Washington? You want to act like you don’t care that one of the best young players in baseball chose the PHILLIES over your putrid little franchise and your half-filled stadium?

Well Bryce Harper welcomed you into gen pop, took your shoes, took your belt, and made you follow him around by his pockets last night as he scared the entire Nationals franchise and their fans straight while thousands of invading Phillies fans made life miserable for the home crowd.

He demanded your fruit cups and you gave them to him because you’re all talk and you know it. You’re fresh fish and he’s just reeling you in.


Harper, the Phillies, and the traveling caravan of Phillies fans punked the entire Washington franchise and their cutesy attempts to welcome back the man that won them an MVP in 2015.

Sure, you all tried to act “hard” with your little boos, your social media’s attempts to deride Bryce and the Phillies, but like so many punks you cracked and were wishing your mommas were there to wipe your tears.

You couldn’t even take the easy way out and hang yourselves with your shoelaces because Bryce took them too.

Look at this embarrassing nonsense.

Eww. An Ariana Grande reference? Wow, very timely. Couldn’t find the Austin Powers “Oh Behave!” gif in time to tweet out that gem?

By the time Bryce flipped the bat into the night and sent your “fans” streaming for the exits, the Phillies social media wizards would have the last laugh.

The Phillies basically slapped the Nationals across the face and let them know that in here they’re nothing. They’re a little bitch who will be sold to the highest bidder. Leave the hard time and the tough talk to the big boys, go back to beating up on the Marlins and flapping your gums to those who give a shit.

Mind your business for the reason of the season unless you want a shiv in between your ribs. This was your warning.

You’ve been scared straight. Thank you, next.

Go spend your cigarettes on Harper merchandise by clicking the banner below.

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