Vontae Davis perfects the Irish exit

Vontae Davis told the Bills he was just stepping out for some air, before the screeching of his car tires echoed through the locker room as the former pro-bowl cornerback weighed his options and decided fleeing the premises was the best course for his professional career.

In easily the best highlight of the young NFL season, the Buffalo Bills are so soul crushingly awful that former pro-bowl cornerback Davis told the team he was retiring at halftime. The Bills are so terrible Davis couldn’t even bother to pretend to care about the game anymore, he couldn’t bother to pretend to even be hurt and hang out on the sidelines for the rest of the game before announcing his retirement later on this week.

The very thought of strapping his pads on again and squeezing his head into that Bills helmet made him so sick to his stomach that he just said fuck it, I’m leaving.

I picture him staring at his cleats, not speaking to anyone, and then getting up from the stool in front of his locker and leaving the facility without saying a word.

Do you remember the final scene of Breaking Bad, where Jesse escapes the neo-nazis, and he realizes he is no longer under the yoke of Walter White and can go anywhere and do anything, driving away from his past life with joyous tears streaming down his face? THAT was Davis yesterday as he crashed through the chain link fence surrounding the Bills player parking lot, driving away to freedom. Sweet, sweet freedom.

It’s the greatest analysis of a team’s future you could possibly have. What chance does this franchise have if their own players weigh their options and decide retirement in game two AT HALFTIME is their best option? This isn’t even week 14! He’s healthy! He had it.

Vontae Davis, you are a true American hero. We salute you.

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