Hey Chris Thompson, your family is welcome to come to Philly because you’re just not worth it

Chris, may I call you Chris? Mr. Thompson, is that better? Can we settle on Chris? Chrissy? C-Thompson? Cris? Ok, Chris it is. Good, glad we got that settled.

I’d like to take a moment to address your unfounded claims that you won’t let your family attend this Monday’s game against the Eagles because you’re worried for their safety. You shared your fears with the Washington Post, explaining that Philadelphia fans were “the meanest” in football and you just didn’t feel comfortable having them in attendance.

Well, Chris, I’d like to assuage your fears. Nothing could be farther from the truth! Your family will be absolutely fine if they come to Philadelphia. Do you know why?

It’s because you’re just not worth it.

Nope. You’re not. I’d wager before seeing this article splashed all over social media the majority of Eagles fans had no clue who you were and couldn’t have picked you out of a lineup if it was you and three white guys.

If you’re not a fantasy football player or a Redskins fan, you’re completely anonymous to everyone in Philadelphia.

You fly so low under the radar here that you’re in danger of clipping William Penn’s head on City Hall.

Granted, I’ll forever be grateful of you for those 30 points you put up for “Rusty Sandusky” back in week 3 when I took out a low-rent flyer on a flash in the pan running back. That was fabulous.

But outside of that, you mean nothing.

A guy like Clinton Portis from back in the day? If he had fears for his family, I’d take him seriously. He killed the Eagles. He meant something OUTSIDE of D.C. You…well…nah.

Hell, I’d even understand if Kirk Cousins told the Post he didn’t want his family in the stands. People know Kirk. He’s broken this franchise’s back a few times in his career. He gets the “honor” of thinking Philadelphia fans will yell obscenities at his family.

Not that I’m condoning that course of action, but he’s worth it. He’s worth the anger. You sir, are not.

Nobody would care if your step dad waltzed into the Linc wearing your jersey and showed every fan a signed picture of you. I’m sure he’s proud of you, I’m sure your family is proud, but nobody gives a shit in Philadelphia.

Plus, your story about how “harsh” the Eagles fans were to you last year is quite lame.

“And [two years ago] I went and prayed in the end zone, and one of the [fans] told me, he was like, ‘God’s not going to help you today.’ And I was like oh, shoot. I heard it while I was praying. I was like dang, all right, that’s a little harsh.”

Well, Chris, you know what they say. Jesus helps those who help themselves. I’m sure that fan was just reminding you of such.

So I say to this Mr. and Mrs. Thompson. You’re absolutely welcome in Philadelphia anytime. You’ll be treated with grace and class, because nobody cares what your son has to say.

Welcome to Philadelphia.

 

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