God bless David Akers and his attempt to keep me from drinking in college

Just take a moment and enjoy the majesty of the greatest Eagles giveaway poster ever produced. David Akers stern, strong leg in full extension, kicking a majestic field goal out of the firm but tender hands of Koy Detmer.

Just another cheap giveaway poster from some game nobody can remember….but ho….what’s that on the bottom of the poster? UNDERAGE-DRINKING WILL KICK YOUR LIFE AWAY!? That is delightfully absurd!

Get it?! He’s a kicker….and underage drinking will kill your life away!

How droll!

I have no memory of the game where these were handed out. I do recall receiving the poster and instantly looking for a garbage can to chuck it out, but a spark went off in my teenage brain.

“Hey, wait a second…I’m going to college in the Fall, I want to be cool, right? Well what would be COOLER than putting up a poster warning kids to NOT drink? RIGHT? I’ll be doing a TON of drinking in college, so this will be like totally cool and a complete sign for people coming into my room that I am AWESOME!”

OH SWEET IRONY! The student has become the master.

That stupid poster lasted four years, countless tapings and retapings, and way too many knowing nods from yours truly to draw people’s attention to its message. Look at the empty beer cans underneath it, awesome, RIGHT BRAH?!

God I sucked.

Congratulations, David. You kicked many a clutch field goal for the Eagles and you tried your best to stop underage kids from kicking their lives away by drinking before 21. Welcome to the Eagles Hall of Fame.

You tried your best to do something good for the community and failed to reach my dumb, adolescent brain with your message.

If you come out of that tunnel tonight with a copy of the poster in one hand, and a beer in the other, you’ll be a legend forever.

 

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