Larsen C ice shelf commits suicide after overhearing 97.5 Fanatic segment on Carson Wentz and religion

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An ice shelf the size of Delaware broke itself off from Antarctica yesterday, scientists at the Swansea University-led Midas project confirmed, releasing a gigantic iceberg twice the size of Luxembourg into the surround waters.

Theories of the ice shelf’s disintegration over the past decades have been discussed leading global representatives, but the Swansea University Midas project scientists confirmed this morning that the shelf purposefully broke itself off the frigid continent after overhearing an asinine sports talk segment from the local Philadelphia 97.5 the Fanatic sports talk station.

The environmental disaster has been placed firmly at the feet of 97.5 the Fanatic, its midday host Mike Missanelli, and it’s poor choice of show programming.

“We have reason to believe the ice shelf committed suicide after hearing a nearby broadcast of Mike Missanelli, a Philadelphia sports talk host, who was asking his callers if they believed starting Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz was too religious,” a Midas Project leader confirmed. “One of our scientists was listening to the segment on a streaming broadcast and the ice shelf overheard the inanity of the subject matter and realized life wouldn’t be worth living any longer.”

The ice shelf struggled to dislodge itself from the continent for the entirety of the show, anything to destroy itself in order to not hear a pompous radio host debate the subject of religion with his white trash fan base.

The ice shelf finally ended its existence when Missanelli transitioned into the topic of the “4 for 4” concept being dead in Philadelphia.

 

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