Los Angeles, Calif. – Noting that it was the smartest investment he has made in years, free agent Nick Foles noted that the voodoo lessons he had taken in the off-season were practically paying for themselves.
With the recent injury to Cowboys backup quarterback Kellen Moore, several NFL sources have said the Cowboys are reportedly interested in bringing Foles in to backup starter Tony Romo.
“I’m on the market for one day and Kellen Moore snaps his ankle like a twig at the Cowboys’ training camp? Gee, I wonder how that happened?” Foles said.
Sources confirmed Foles then held up a doll dressed in Moore’s jersey, with several pins sticking out of its ankle.
“Everything is coming up Foles,” he happily proclaimed.
Foles said he had kept in touch with a voodoo practitioner he met in New Orleans last year, who was “more than happy” to show him a few spells, a number of hexes, and a multitude of curses that would “in no way backfire” on him down the line.
“Never did catch his name, and after I left his home I never could find it again…oh well. I’m sure it’s fine. Pretty crazy who someone will teach you for three chickens and a bottle of virgin tears,” Foles said.
“Pretty easy. Just stick a few pins in someone and things roll your way. I wonder if I can find a doll that looks like Chip Kelly.”
At press time, sources confirmed that a dark cloud had enveloped Foles’ soul and his now blackened heart would doom him to roam the earth as a wretched fiend for the rest of eternity.