Michael Vick thrilled to not be the most detested quarterback on roster

Michael+Vick+Close+UpPittsburgh, PA – Minutes after signing a one-year deal with the Pittsburgh Steelers, Michael Vick pointed a finger skyward and thanked God he could finally blend into the roster and not be the most hated member of a professional football organization.

Vick, of course, pled guilty in 2007 for his role in the Bad Newz Kennels dog fighting scandal. The kennel had over 70 dogs seized in a massive search of Vick’s sprawling estate by local, state and federal authorities.

Vick was given a second chance in the league when signed by the Philadelphia Eagles in 2009. Protestors and critics followed Vick to New York City for his stint with the Jets, lambasting the organizations for signing the controversial figure.

All of that was whisked away when he signed a one-year deal Tuesday afternoon with the Pittsburgh Steelers.

ESPN NFL analyst John Clayton said the signing “is great for Michael Vick, but I’m not so sure what the Steelers are getting out of this.”

“Basically, let me put it this way. If you’re Pol Pot quarterbacking a football team, you’re going to be hated by just about everyone. However, if Pol Pot gets traded to a football team quarterbacked by Hitler, well then hey, Pol Pot’s not such a bad guy all of a sudden.”

Vick said it felt as if a tremendous weight had been lifted off his shoulders when he signed the deal.

“Sure I had my problems back in 2007 and I can tell you they hated me in Philly and they hated me in New York, but boy am I happy to be in Pittsburgh,” Vick said, a smile on his face. “Have you seen this Roethlisberger kid? Horrifying accusations of sexual assault on two separate occasions, a salty disposition to fans, questionable personal conduct…I hit the mother fucking jackpot.”

Vick said he was going to enjoy his anonymity among Pittsburgh Steeler fans as they focus all of their hatred and vitriol on Roethlisberger.

“I may have killed a few dogs, but boy I was never accused of raping any white women in a bar bathroom,” Vick said. “Did you hear his bodyguards allegedly kept people from going in and helping those girls? What a sick fuck.”

Vick casually mentioned he would sign a longer term deal if Roethlisberger stayed on the roster as well and he never be elevated to the starting quarterback position.

“Pittsburgh Steelers for life! I got a lot more dirt on Big Ben if you guys ever need it. I love Pittsburgh!”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s