76ers contact shadow organization to extradite Dario Saric from Turkey

samInstanbul, Turkey – Citing what’s best for business, Sam Hinkie traveled to Istanbul today to meet with several underground figures in the back of a dimly lit, smoke filled Turkish bazaar to begin plans to extradite Dario Saric from his contract with Anadolu Efes S.K.

“You have a man that you want freed, we have a large debt that needs to be paid. I think we can work with each other in this regard,” said Aslan “The Lion” Myanabad. “The cost will be 3 million lira…but I warn you, the penalty for such a thing is many years in the Eskişehir (prison) and I would not wish this upon my worst enemy.”

Hinkie nodded his head and slipped the man a briefcase filled with money.

“Half now, the rest will be given to you upon Dario’s first practice. May god have mercy on us all,” Hinkie said.

Hinkie then nodded to Furkan Aldemir, who was brought along to ensure the mission would run “smoothly.”

“He has a unique set of skills. Do not cross him…he is my right hand man in this matter and he will ensure that everything goes according to plan. Show them what you can do, Furkan,” Hinkie said to the 76ers big man.

Furkan then took off his bowler and flung it towards a statue, severing the concrete head.

According to NBA historians, this could be the bloodiest and most ruthless extradition of a foreign player to the NBA since 10 soldiers for hire burned down a Lithuanian arena in an attempt to bring Arvydas Sabonis over to the Portland Trail Blazers in 1995.

Hinkie and Myanabad sealed the deal by cutting their hands on a holy scimitar and shaking over the contract.

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