Clearwater, Fla – Following a stellar two game opening to the 2015 spring training, new rule 5 draft member of the Phillies Odubel Herrera told reporters through a translator that he can’t wait to have a solid year for the team, and then be promptly signed to an organization-crippling contract.
“It will be an honor to follow in the footsteps of some of the guys that have been here for years past their prime, like Ryan Howard and Chase Utley,” he said. “Hopefully the city will enjoy a few of my good years, and then curse Ruben for keeping me on far too long after my usefulness has declined.”
The speedy infield and outfielder said if fans are lucky he will be signed to a multi-year deal and promptly undergo some kind of microfracture surgery to accelerate the process.
In other spring training news:
• Mike Schmidt, who has taken Dom Brown under his wing, has mistakingly been calling the young player by the name Tom Drown all spring. Nobody has cared enough to correct him as of yet. The CT will be keeping tabs on this story as it develops.
• Darrin Ruf and Freddy Galvis reportedly had to be separated by several teammates yesterday after they were heard having a heated argument over who would be a bigger disappointment this season.
• After allowing two runs in two innings during his first appearance, Miguel Alfredo Gonzalez was placed on a wooden raft by manager Ryne Sandberg and nudged out into the ocean towards the direction of Cuba.
• Ruben Amaro reportedly lost the team’s international player signing budget after he wired $5.6 million to a “Nigerian Prince” who sent him an email in December, telling him he would place Amaro in his will for the sum of “12 MILION DOLLLARS US OF A DOLLARS” if he sent him the money through Western Union.
• Charlie Manuel, in town as a special hitting instructor for the Phillies, is still fuming after his recent betrayal at the hands of Ric Flair at last months Royal Rumble. Manuel cut several seething promos to the Nature Boy, promising him that the next time they see each other will be different.
“Naitch, listen here. I used to call you my friend, now the next time we meet I’ll be stomping a mud hole in your ass.”
Flair has yet to respond.