Philadelphia, PA – Pope Francis gained a few more followers in the city of brotherly love today, as he endorsed a Vatican referendum condemning Ruben Amaro Jr. to hell.
Pope Francis, who is scheduled to visit Philadelphia in September, said he heard the citizens of Philadelphia loud and clear.
“I have heard the prayers of the thousands of Philadelphians, and I am not deaf,” Francis said during a recent general audience in Rome. “You want him to burn for eternity in hell, than it shall be so.”
Francis waved both hands at the audience as he was greeted with raucous cheers. He most certainly endeared himself to Philadelphians who prayed on bended knee day and night this past off season for Amaro Jr. to finally meet his maker and be cast into the foulest depths of the afterlife.
Francis gave his blessing to those who wished ill will towards Amaro Jr., citing the once mighty Philadelphia Phillies fall from grace as “reason enough” to wish someone’s soul to roast on the coals of hell for all time.
“I too am disappointed Amaro Jr. traded Cliff Lee and got nothing in return in 2010. I understand the Phillies could have had both pitchers all year, ultimately guaranteeing at least another World Series appearance. It’s a tragedy,” Francis said. “He truly wasted what could have been a glorious few years for the Philadelphia Phillies. And for this, yes, he does deserve to rot in hell.”
Francis promised he would make the decision official during his September visit. He urged all Philadelphians to bring various Ruben Amaro Jr. pictures and paraphernalia to the ceremony, promising it would be one to remember.
“To make up for his tomfoolery, I have also decided to nominate Harry Kalas for sainthood. Lord knows he did more for this city than Rube ever did,” Francis declared.