The Phillies posted an interesting sign at their merchandise store, informing a rabid buyer’s market that the franchise had completely run out of the letter “R” for their adult home and road jerseys.

Ranger Suarez fans must be crushed.

After a record setting period of Bryce Harper jerseys sales, the Phillies are 100% out of the letter “R” for adult home and road jerseys. Juvenile “Rs” are still available, but your stupid kid probably wants a Zach Eflin jersey so it doesn’t matter.

I’m sure the Phillies will soon bring an enormous crate of “R’s” into the team’s warehouse and John Middleton will get out his needle and thread for those BRyce HaRpeR jerseys, but if you can’t wait until that moment and you absolutely, positively need a jersey today, who would be your best option?

The answer is nobody great.

Nearly every single infielder or outfielder in the projected 40-man roster has the letter “R” in their name. Unless you’re interested in a brand spanking new Nick Williams jersey, or you’re Mitch Walding’s mom and you wanted to buy his jersey (and to be honest, she’d probably rather wear a Bryce Harper jersey) you’re shit out of luck.

Maybe you accidentally clicked the Dylan Cozens jersey option on the Fanatics. If you did, you’d have a $120 dust rag at your house within the week.

No catchers are available, which is a shame if you wanted to buy a heavily discounted Andrew Knapp jersey to donate to Goodwill and greatly disappoint someone less fortunate than yourself.

The “best” option you have is to purchase a pitcher’s jersey. AaRon Nola, of course, is out. Unless you want a Jake Aieta jersey, you’re fucked. So who is your best bet?

Let’s start with the lowest tier. Enyel De Los Santos, Austin Davis, Adonis Medina, Juan Nicasio. Who? Who? Who? Who? No thanks.

You could buy a Zach Eflin jersey, the man the Phillies refused to include in a deal for Manny Machado at last year’s trade deadline, and burn it in July when he’s unceremoniously sent down to AAA after going 4-5 with a 5.98 ERA. That would at least be worth it for the social media bump you’d get.

James Pazos is an interesting option. He came to the Phillies in the Jean Segura trade and has, bar none, the greatest player pictures of all time. BEHOLD.

I’d pay upwards of $500 if I could print his face on the back of a purchased jersey. That’s a must, though. No face, no jersey. Keep that in your back pocket.

Pat Neshek is also an option. Goofy delivery, pretty kickass facial hair, but considering he’s been traded by my estimations 900 times in the past three seasons you may only get two or three months worth of action before he’s shuttled off to Tampa Bay for a AA prospect that never pans out.

So who are the best options? Nick Pivetta and Vince Velasquez are probably your best bets. Both young, both have promise, both are JUST talented enough that they could stick around for a few years.

You’ll get at least a few FABULOUS starts out of Velasquez before he has his customary flameout and runs out of gas in August. Pivetta will look like a world beater three starts in a row, and then give up 12 earned runs in his fourth start in less than an inning pitched to ensure his season ERA hovers around 4.90 for the entire year.

My choice, however? Just get a customized B3yce Ha3pe3 jersey by clicking on the Phillies banner below.