Don Tollefson: “I swear I’ll repay everyone I scammed, even if it kills them”

I’m back baby! Dandy Don Tollefson is a free man, just like that. They just opened the doors of the prison for me, said I was free to go and pushed me through. Didn’t even give me a psych evaluation before turning me loose….huh, seems like something that should be standard procedure, right? How about that?! You learn something new everyday in this wackadoo life!

I really feel like they should have given me my medications, though, before putting me back on the streets of Philadelphia. I’ve been off of them for a few weeks now, but I don’t feel too bad. I have been hearing high pitched screaming every night while I sleep, causing me to wake up in a freezing cold sweat…and I’ll be honest, I am starting to hear that screaming while I’m awake as well…even when nobody is around.

It tortures me…it would make a lesser man go crazy.

But the midnight fox that is set adrift on the Winter winds stays a hop and a leap ahead of insanity, that’s what I always say.

Did you see me on NBC 10 the other day? I thought I came off quite well, I really did. Take a look for yourself:

I thought the production did a good job of dulling the crazy in my eyes…but I wish I had done something about my ill-fitting, wrinkled suit. What do you expect when you steal a suit off an unguarded corpse in the funeral home you’ve been living in/hiding in for the past month? It’s not going to be an Armani, I’ll tell you that much.

What, you want that I should be out in the cold with those ANIMALS on the streets? Plus, embalming fluid is the perfect cure for insomnia. One swig too many, however, and you may find yourself in the coffin having your suit stolen by ANOTHER disgraced sports anchor desperately trying to reclaim the trust of a city that allowed him to steal hundreds of thousands of dollars from sports fans and scam a charity that he founded.

We’ve had a lot of fun today, sure, but I’d like to get serious for a moment. I was telling the truth in the interview with Jim Rosenfield. I am planning on paying back all the money to those that I scammed, even if it kills them.

You heard that right. Even if it kills THEM. I’m dead serious on paying back my debt to society, but money is tough to come by for old Don these days.

Sure, I can scrounge up a few bucks here and there by selling Eagles Super Bowl tickets I’ve drawn out on construction paper, but then that just ADDS to my debt. You can see the bind I’m in.

So hey, if some of those that I owe money to start showing up dead, then that’s less money I have to pay back! My debts are erased with their spilled blood, and those who are losing their lives get to shrug off the burdensome shackles of their mortality.

It’s a win-win!

So I hope to see all of you very, very soon. Can’t wait to show up unannounced at your home in the dead of night to give you all that you deserve.

The screams of the damned haunt my dreams every night. I’m so tired, so very tired. Why won’t they let me sleep? Let me rest.

Go Eagles!


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