A soaked and shivering Angelo Cataldi heaved himself out of the Ocean City surf on Sunday evening after concerned beach goers rolled the napping sports talk host into the water to “keep him wet” after fearing he had beached himself.
The 66-year-old 94 WIP sports talk host visited the popular Jersey shore location for Memorial Day Weekend and savored a beach visit during the brisk day. After his wife reportedly left their location for a long walk, the behemoth quickly fell asleep before being noticed by a number of concerned tourists.
Mistaking the jowly sports talk host for a beached Pilot whale, 20 tourists pitched in and formed a human chain to transport bucket after bucket of freezing cold sea water to keep the elderly blowhard “moist and happy” before requisitioned bulldozer could make its way onto the beach to transport the supposed marine mammal back to the briny deep.
As a crowd of hundreds gathered on the 8th street bridge, a cheer rose from their throats as Cataldi was successfully pushed back into the surf. Using a trawling net, several fishing boats towed him out past the breakers and cut him loose.
Hours later, a confused and bloated Cataldi awoke from his nap several miles offshore. Using his vast reserves of blubber to stay afloat in the choppy water, Cataldi laboriously kicked his way back to shore and came aground around 6:45 p.m., nearly 10 hours after being put back into his watery home.
At press time, Cataldi was attempting to throw up several pounds of krill he had eaten during his ordeal.