No city in America is more obsessed with a uniform color scheme than the mouth-breathing Eagles fans who are preoccupied beyond measure for their beloved Kelly Green. Only this city could be head over heels for a fictional boxer and a color that hasn’t been used for decades.

This is where you should certainly draw a line in the sand, Jeffrey Lurie, the stupid color for the jerseys. Fight to bring them back as alternate uniforms, that’s ideally what you and the organization should be focusing on. The Eagles are .500 since the 2010 and haven’t won a playoff game since 2008…..BUT THEY’RE BRINGING BACK THE KELLY GREENS!

He’s not fighting to bring the color back for any sense of tradition, you rubes, he wants to sell more jerseys while the team flounders around for the next few seasons.

I could just write out the words “Kelly Green” over and over again and it would be my most popular article of all time. People would be calling into WIP and the Fanatic, raving about that fabulous article on the Coggin Toboggan. Did you read it?! He talks about the Kelly Greens! It was so good, baby.

KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN  KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN KELLY GREEN.

If I posted a picture of Terrell Owens wearing a Kelly Green jersey the entire city would collectively cream its jeans.

This is what puzzles me….the Kelly Green uniforms don’t exactly hearken back to the “glory years” of the Philadelphia Eagles. Hell, they’ve probably had more success out of the Kelly Green’s with Andy Reid’s early 2000s teams than they ever did in the past. We’re not talking about an era of stellar Eagles teams in their classic uniforms. Nope. They all sucked and the Kelly Greens were HOLDING THEM BACK.

In fact, several Eagles on the 1980 Super Bowl team said if they weren’t wearing the Kelly Greens during that game they would have definitely won. See? They’re a detriment to the organization and to SOCIETY AS A WHOLE.

But HOLY SHIT, go on Twitter right now and you’ll see thousands of tweets from Eagles fans SO EXCITED for the jerseys. Yes, some great players wore those colors…Jerome Brown, Reggie White, Ron Jaworski….but so did some real pieces of garbage.

If you’re a real fan you won’t buy a Carson Wentz Kelly Green jersey, but you’ll purchase a nice Izel “Toast” Jenkins jersey in the color scheme you’re drooling over. Forget a Wilbert Montgomery Kelly Greener, you’ll spend your hard earned money on a Michael Haddix Kelly Green beauty.

Because that’s all that matters, am I right? KELLY GREEN RULES!