Philadelphia, PA – Just two days into his position as GM of the Philadelphia 76ers, Bryan Colangelo was forced to call a hasty press conference and admit to a months long scheme he employed after watching the 1980s comedy “Weekend at Bernie’s” last December.
Colangelo admitted that his father, Jerry, has been deceased during his entire employment with the 76ers. Jerry Colangelo was hired by the 76ers in mid-December as a special Chairman of Basketball Operations for the organization.
Using a pair of well placed sunglasses, his best friend Larry, and a series of hilarious mishaps that almost unraveled the scheme several times, Bryan was able to convince Scott O’Neil and Josh Harris for months that his father was still alive and supported him as GM over Sam Hinkie.
“It just got to be too much. Harris and O’Neil loved hanging out with my dad, he was the toast of the organization. I’m not sure how they never once noticed that he didn’t speak at all after December, or how he was always wearing those sunglasses,” Colangelo said to the assembled media. “They never even asked why I always had my arms around his shoulders or his waist, or why he was never alone. Still can’t believe I pulled it off.”
Colangelo said he and Larry were almost on the verge of being caught several times, but had to maintain the illusion until he was awarded the GM position by Harris and O’Neil.
“We had to pull off an entire cocktail party that had been planned in January. We just propped dad up on his couch and hoped for the best. We were almost busted when that high class escort Harris brought started to kiss him and remarked that he was ‘ice cold,’ but we just played it off like he had the flu,” Colangelo noted. “And when he accidentally fell of the balcony of his suite?! Oh man, how we got out of that one I’ll never know.”
“It’s actually pretty funny when you think about it.”
After months of keeping up the scheme, Colangelo was finally awarded the GM position he desired so much, but felt he had to come clean to the organization.
After hearing his confession Harris and O’Neil warned Colangelo to never pull off a stunt like this ever again, but lauded him for his honesty and for still being a better employee than Sam Hinkie.