Tom Coughlin demands early bird interview with Philadelphia

tom-coughlinPhiladelphia, PA – Citing his desire to “not be up at all hours of the night,” head coach candidate Tom Coughlin showed up close to 7-hours early for his scheduled interview this afternoon.

Coughlin exited his 1993 Lincoln Town Car and asked to be interviewed in a corner booth at the NovaCare Complex cafeteria, as it looked “less drafty” than one of the tables in the center of the room.

“Why come all the way down to Philadelphia to sit in a drafty table?” Coughlin said, after making Eagles representatives move tables several times to find an acceptable place to sit.

Eagles President Jeffrey Lurie said Coughlin, the former New York Giants coach, took him by surprise, as he wasn’t scheduled until 6 p.m. and  “a lunch interview was never really even presented to him as  an option.”

Coughlin reportedly ordered a cup of Sanka, tuna fish on toast, and a side of applesauce “if you have it.”

“Why wait for an interview when you can get a better deal and have a better meeting earlier in the day? Besides, I don’t like driving much at night anymore. Headlights bother my cataracts,” Coughlin said.

Coughlin reportedly dominated the three hour interview with stories of the “good old days” and how he once met Vice President Spiro Agnew in a sporting goods store in 1973.

“Hell of a vice president. You think any of these politicians could have handled Nixon like he did? Not on your life, buster,” Coughlin said. “What was I saying? Oh yes, I’m sure I could be a big asset for the Philadelphia Beagles.”

Coughlin notably mentioned Franklin Field was one of his favorite stadiums to coach in and would relish the opportunity to do so for the “Beagles.” Lurie apparently did not have the heart to tell Coughlin the Eagles had not played at Franklin Field since 1970 and they had never been called the “Beagles” in their eight decade history.

At one point, Coughlin briefly fell asleep at the table for close to three minutes with apple sauce dribbling down his chin, as Lurie uncomfortably scanned the room until the former head coach woke up with a start.

After several hours, Coughlin ended the interview and said he had to get home before Wheel of Fortune started at 7:30 p.m.

At press time, Lurie awkwardly watched Coughlin back his car out of his spot, strike a parked car, and then merge into traffic at 3 mph without signalling.

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