Philadelphia, PA – To ensure the talented, but immature, Jahlil Okafor does not get into anymore trouble and put himself into negative situations, the 76ers announced Thursday morning that three-year deal has been struck with Thunderlips, the ultimate male, to be his bodyguard.
“To all my love slaves out there, Thunderlips is here! In the flesh, baby! The ultimate male,” he said, stroking his luscious blonde hair.
The hulking Thunderlips will ensure Okafor stays out of scenarios that may get him into trouble and will guard him against any potential hazards that may arise.
Thunderlips, of course, rose to prominence decades ago who he battle Rocky Balboa in a exhibition match for charity, which promptly raged out of control.
“No one can believe the superhuman strength of Thunderlips! I am the man!” he said to the assembled members of the media.
This is the most prominent bodyguard signing in Philadelphia since the Eagles locked the Undertaker into a four-year deal to guard Randall Cunningham in the early 90s.
At press time, contract negotiations almost broke down between the Ultimate Male and the 76ers due to the organization’s insistence that he wear more than a speedo trunks when on the job.