The Coggin Toboggan has an anonymous, high ranking source in the Philadelphia 76ers front office willing to provide the blog with all of the up to date moves Sixers GM Sam Hinkie makes during the season. The CT will keep its readers updated on all of the trades, free agent signings and special promotions the 76ers have planned for the future.
Having been granted a 16th roster spot for the year, the Philadelphia 76ers have rounded out their squad with a fresh, young, and hilarious new talent that will surely entertain generations to come.
The 76ers announced they have signed Bernie Lomax and his two assistants, Larry Wilson and Richard Parker, to a one-year deal.
Lomax reportedly kept Hinkie in stitches during their meeting with his fun loving attitude and humorous adventures.
Let’s go to the tale of the tape to see just how Bernie may help the team this year.
Age – 48
Height – 5’10
Current Status – Definitely alive.
Pros – Lomax is a rich, party animal from the Hamptons who fans and teammates will surely come to love this season. Always seen with this two assistants Larry and Richard, Bernie frequently finds himself in HILARIOUS Rube Goldberg-esque situations that always end up okay in the end. Has a penchant for partying and the ladies, seems to always be surrounded by attractive women in high cut bikinis. Able to withstand tremendous amount of physical punishment, almost like he doesn’t feel it.
Cons – A bit stiff out there and lacks communication. Always seems to be just laying around whenever his assistants are not around. Has a rank, gangrenous odor that needs to be improved. Never takes off his sunglasses, even when indoors.
Outlook – Bernie Lomax is the real deal. He and his assistants were the life of the party during Lomax’s contract signing yesterday. Strangely, Larry and Richard both had to hold Lomax’s hand while he signed his deal. Lomax only gave yes or no answers to media questions, visibly shaking or nodding his head with the help of Larry and Richard. At one point in the conference, a cell phone ring tone went off, causing Lomax to get up and walk away from the desk*. Will definitely contribute greatly to the team this year if the status quo maintains and no shocking revelations are made in the future.
*(Weekend at Bernie’s 2. Give it a look)