Philadelphia Home Depots report “critical” rope shortage after weekend

ropePhiladelphia, PA – Representatives for the company confirmed today that Philadelphia Home Deports face a “critical” rope shortage in all of their citywide stores after customers purchased nearly all of the material around 8 p.m. last evening.

Security camera footage of the Home Depot on S. Christopher Columbus Boulevard showed a 50 customer deep line around 7:45 p.m. Sunday evening. The sunken eyed, pale customers each were holding about six to eight-feet of rope in the checkout line. None of them spoke and many of them were wearing Eagles jerseys and hats.

“They were all there to purchase rope. I asked several of them if they were trying to secure things in their homes and bungee cords would work just as well, but they all just shook their heads. What is up with that?” Store employee Troy Bunchfeld, who just moved into Philadelphia this past month, told reporters today.

“A number of them asked me how much weight the rope could hold without snapping. Odd question.”

Not a piece of rope can be found in any of the city stores today, leaving several  company representatives puzzled, but pleased, at the development.

“No idea why so much was sold this past weekend. We tried to get reports from any of our Philadelphia managers today, but all of them didn’t show up for work. We’ll have to address that. We are very happy, though, that our Philadelphia customers are so happy with the quality of our rope and we hope to continue to serve them well.

It has yet to be confirmed if the large number of extra body bags ordered by the Philadelphia Police Department today is related in any way.

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