Jerry Seinfeld checks in with the Toboggan every now and again to provide a hot take about Philadelphia sports, the way only a neurotic Jewish comedian can. For best results, please read the following in a stereotypical Jerry Seinfeld 90s voice.
What’s the deal with Joel Embiid and his gimpy foot? One day you’re riding a Phunkee Duck through the city of Philadelphia, and the next day you’re sitting out for the rest of the year because you rebroke your foot! He’s broken his foot more times than Wayne Knight has had to refill his diabetes medication! I hated anyone who had a pony!
But seriously, can we get any straight information out of the 76ers and Sam Hinkie about anything? He’s hurt, he’s healthy, he’s hurt, he’s healthy, he’s like Josh Hamilton on a mid-season coke bender! He can really talk some trash, but I guess it’s better than eating it!
So what are they going to do? Sure they have Okafor, but we were promised three centers! I wanted three centers! The towers of terror! Now we have two towers, and I hated that book! It was the worst of the Lord of the Rings series. Papi was a little sloppy!
And what’s the deal with Harper Lee?! You don’t publish a book for more than 50 years, and then when you do publish one you tarnish the reputation of your most famous character? You made Atticus Finch a racist and a KKK sympathizer? That’s worse than having to play a show at a liberal college! Why are you people protesting my comedy, I’m clean as a whistle, unless you don’t enjoy my takes on airline peanuts? That button is out of place!
It reminds of the time Larry David wanted us to actually KILL off the George character in the final season. He and Jason Alexander apparently went in on a wig of the month club subscription together and Alexander had been late with his payments several months in a row.
After dabbling in some horse tranquilizers and balancing himself out with some booger sugar, David sent me a script that had George actually HANG himself after finding out his parents had ditched him on several occasions. Luckily he forgot all about the script the next morning and we actually USED it in the ninth season. We just took out the part of George killing himself and it became one of our most popular episodes. Larry David is a genius!
What’s the deal?!