Ryne Sandberg finds employment as a Philadelphia waste management employee

The newest member of the Philadelphia waste management division.

The newest member of the Philadelphia waste management division.

Philadelphia, PA – After resigning in stunning fashion last Friday, baseball hall of famer Ryne Sandberg reportedly was hired by the city as a seasonal waste management employee.

He began his route this morning as part of a three man garbage crew with a 35 block radius in South Philadelphia. The ex-manager’s duties include hoisting garbage cans up to his shoulder and disposing of the detritus into the back of the garbage trucks in a timely and efficient manner.

After one day on the job, Sandberg described it as “the most fulfilling and enjoyable job I’ve had in the past two years.”

“It’s amazing how great this job can be. I’ve forgotten how nice it is to wake up in the morning and not dread going to work,” Sandberg said in mid trash can dump, garbage juice trickling down from the can onto his bare neck.

Sandberg said it’s been a “joy” to sift through thrown away baby diapers to reach the recyclables a careless Philadelphia citizen had mixed in with his or her smelly garbage.

“The other day I found a really sweet radio that wasn’t even broken. My boss, Hank (Machinelli) let me keep it. More than Amaro gave me in two years, cheap bastard,” Sandberg said, fecal matter smeared over his face and jumpsuit.

As of press time, Sandberg has reportedly signed a three-year deal with the city of Philadelphia, leading 95% of the remainign Phillies employees to experience pangs of jealousy.

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