OH my sweet jesus, we’ve won a few games

HI top fadeEvery so often, the CT will check in with rookie sensation Nerlens Noel and his signature hi-top fade haircut to get his take on the 76ers season so far. We at CT take no responsibility for the opinions of the hi-top or his world views. On to today’s edition:

Philadelphia 76ers (11-33). A returning Big Shot brandished a switchblade at Henry Sims last week for no good reason.

We’ve actually won a few games, 3-2 in our last five, including a win over the Minnesota Timberwolves and the returning Thaddeus Young. He didn’t seem to enjoy the last season and didn’t speak to anyone on the roster for the final month’s worth of games. He had a thousand yard stare and visibly recoiled whenever anyone touched him…he seems much happier now, but I definitely saw his soul leave his body when someone in the crowd called him a “no good piece of shit.”

It was all fun and games until we had to go to Cleveland and Lebron James actually decided to play against us. He demolished everyone on our team. He wasn’t even trying. At one point in the game he was taking all of his shots left handed, and I’m pretty sure he tried to punt in a three-point attempt towards the end of the third quarter.

He was lighthearted throughout the entire game until the last five minutes…and then Furkan Aldemir entered the game. My god, he would not stop calling Lebron’s mother a “filthy, flea ridden whore.” He’s really gotten into American trash talking. I mean, he was going into disgusting details about everything Delonte West reportedly did to his mother. It was really personal, horrible stuff, and during the last 10 seconds tears were streaming down Lebron’s face. It was heart wrenching stuff, we were all telling Furkan to stop, but that crazy European son of a bitch just wouldn’t give up.

You don’t even want to know what he said to Kyle Korver’s younger sister the next night. He is one brutal mother fucker.

We play the Boston Celtics on Friday. There’s a $5,000 pot on who can elbow Evan Turner in the esophagus first.

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