Hinkie inks Buddhist death god to eternal contract

The Coggin Toboggan has an anonymous, high ranking source in the Philadelphia 76ers front office willing to provide the blog with all of the up to date moves Sixers GM Sam Hinkie makes during the season. The CT will keep its readers updated on all of the trades, free agent signings and special promotions the 76ers have planned for the future.

buudha-life-mara-demon3The 76ers announced late tonight, after consulting an ancient text and several once-forgotten runes known only to the old men of earth, the signing of Mrtyu-mara, a traditional death god in the Buddhist religion.

Age – Eternal.

Height – 5’2

Current status – Existing on an ethereal plane known only to a chosen few who have obtained Nirvana.

Pros – Once tempted the god Buddha to forgo his quest for enlightenment underneath the bodhi tree with carnal delights and earthly pleasures, but our scouts assure us this can be chalked up to immaturity and a young roster. Veteran presence will help keep him in line. Is squat but powerful, not afraid to get his fangs dirty in the trenches. Has four arms, which lends itself to an A+ reach and impactful defensive presence.

Cons – Owns a snake which he carries onto the court. Has six eyes and a face painted on his stomach, so maturity is an issue with this one. Is known to be a bit of a tempter in his previous clubhouse, often convincing his teammates to forget about putting in the hard work and quitting to lead a life of leisure.

Outlook – Definitely worth a flyer if we can convince him that Hinkie will not honor a blood contract. Could definitely help on the defensive end and may convince a few of the other better opponents to skip out on their teammates for their own selfish desires. Must improve three point percentage and keep snake from spitting venom into the first several rows of the crowd.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s