The Milwaukee Brewers selected us in the Rule 5 Draft

brewerslogoHORRENDOUS. We just got news from the Milwaukee Brewers that the organization selected the Coggin Toboggan this morning in the MLB Rule 5 draft.

I didn’t even know blogs were available to be chosen in the draft, but here we are. We are Milwaukee bound, whether we like it or not.

Fuckkkkkk me. I don’t want to move to Milwaukee. God damn us.

Brewers GM David Stearns called us to congratulate us on our new roles and advised us to bone up on our mid-western humor.

“You’d better fall in line and start working on your cold weather jokes now if you want a future in this organization. And I don’t want to hear any cheese curd or Packers jokes out of you, that’s cliched bullshit. I want to see and hear some humor out of you that’s consistent with the local parlance and rich heritage that makes up the fabric of Milwaukee, you got me?” he told us in our brief conversation.

No cheese curd and Packers jokes?! That’s like taking the paint brush out of Picasso’s hand and telling him to get cracking on new masterpiece.

Didn’t they adopt a dog a few seasons ago that died? Could make fun of that, I suppose, but how many dead dog jokes can someone seriously make?

I apologize to all of our Philadelphia fans, but we don’t have a choice in the matter.

Can’t wait to punch Ryan Braun in his acne-ridden face.

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