Chip Kelly’s draft-night plan, a play in 9 acts.

NFL_DraftChip Kelly has been really working the phones just a day before the annual NFL, which will be held tomorrow. We’ve received word that Kelly has been using some interesting techniques to try and bend the opinions of NFL GMs and coaches to give the Eagles a better opportunity to select the player they covet.

We’ve received inside information into a recent conversation Kelly had via text message to Ruston Webster, Tennessee Titans GM. The Titans currently have the second pick in tomorrow night’s draft. Let’s take a look, shall we?

092313-kelly-chip-eagles-600Hey Ruston, it’s Chip. Did you hear the news on Marcus?


Umm no, what are you talking about? What have you heard.


Wow, you didn’t hear? He was in a car accident today, broke both of his femurs, just snapped in two like twigs. Blood everywhere. I have a copy of the accident report right here…lets see…yep, tested positive for PCP and cocaine. He also had a 0.3 blood-alcohol level. Pretty crazy. Oh well, I’m sure he’ll be a standup guy for your organization, don’t let me try to sway your opinion.


Wow, I didn’t hear that. Why is this not on the news anywhere?


You didn’t hear it from me, but Mariota’s camp paid quite a handsome fee to the police department to keep this out of the media’s hands until after the draft. I just feel sorry for that 29 year old pregnant woman that he struck with his car. You’d think an athlete would be able to drive and light up a crack pipe at the same time, but I guess you’d be wrong.


Wow, thanks for the information Chip. Maybe we could talk a bit about that second pick, we have always valued Sam Bradford as a real stand up guy for a team to have.


I’m not sure we could just let Bradford go for the second pick, but we’ll talk tomorrow night, I’ll let you know what’s up.


Great, talk to you then.

::Hangs up Phone::

Don't get too comfortable, Sam.

Consider yourself Chip’d, bitch.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s