Philadelphia, PA – Early this morning, around 2 a.m., Braydon Coburn was traded from the Philadelphia Flyers to the Tampa Bay Lightning for a 2015 1st and 3rd round pick and defenseman Radko Gudas. However, after the deal was made, Flyers GM Ron Hextall could not reach the 30-year-old defenseman through his cell phone to notify him of the move.
Showing the team’s new dedication to high level analytics, Hextall chalked up a plan never before seen to make sure the defenseman knew he was on his way out of Philadelphia.
Around 6 a.m., a large brick with a handwritten note was sent hurling through Coburn’s home and into his bedroom, showering the athlete and his terror stricken wife in a blanket of glass shards. A black town car was seen skidding away from the Coburn household at high speeds without its headlights on.
“We felt this was the correct message to send to Braydon about his departure. We didn’t want him reading about the trade through a blog or hearing it on the radio. We wanted to reach him first and make sure he heard it from us,” Hextall said, upon his return to the Wells Fargo Center.
The note, which consisted of cut out letters from magazine headlines, read as follows:
“Traded to Tampa Bay. Flight at 2 p.m. Keep your cell phone on at night next time.”
Originally, Hextall planned to leave a horse head in Coburn’s bed with a note stapled to its face to notify the athlete, but the logistics of such a message “were just way too complex.”
“We feel Braydon got the message this way. We’re happy with it.”
As of press time, Coburn had locked his wife and child in the house safe room and was silently sitting by the entrance with a cocked and loaded shotgun aimed at the front door.