Patrick Bertoletti

BREAKING: Bobby Hoying appears at Wing Bowl 23 after being presumed dead

Bobby HoyingPhiladelphia, PA – Missing since last Saturday evening, the night before the Pro Bowl, Bobby Hoying appeared this morning in a luxury suite at the 23rd WIP Wing Bowl. While still wearing the clothes he was seen pictured in last Saturday, Hoying appeared to be in high spirits, bumping several lines of cocaine off a Wingettes bare chest before turning his attention back to the festivities below.

“The last week was a blur, but when I found myself in a gutter in South Philly last night, I knew I had to at least get myself to the Wing Bowl,” Hoying said with two women on his lap. “Besides I bet a cool 10 G’s on that Schuyler chick down there, it’s a stone cold lock.”

Hoying cheered on his “hoss” as he called her, alternating between lines of cocaine and starting several “show us your tits!” chants to the numerous Wingettes in attendance.

For many, it was a welcome site, seeing Hoying after he was presumed dead following last week’s Pro Bowl. Hoying disappeared from his Arizona hotel the night before being scheduled to start the exhibition game, the first of his professional career.

“It’ll take a lot more than a mountain of pure Colombian raw and an emergency room visit to put good ol’ Bobby down, I’ll tell you that,” Hoying said.

However, after Schuyler failed to defend her Wing Bowl crown, losing to Patrick Bertoletti in a Wing Bowl record performance, Hoying abruptly finished the last of his eight ball and hastily left the suite.

“I’ll tell you what, there ain’t no way Big Tony is going to get that $10,000 from me. He’ll have to come at me with a white flag waving if he ever wants to see me again,” he said, as he left the arena.

Hoying was last seen walking in the direction of the Penthouse Club with a stack full of $1 bills.