Have you ever heard a cat puke? It’s truly horrifying. They begin by making a wet, shrieking gagging noise that reverberates through every inch of your home. It’s followed by a tremendously loud and moist “HORK HORK HORK” noise of the puke physically making its way up their gullet, capped off by a delightful “YEHHHHHHHHHSHHHH” as a days worth of cat food, hair, and licked shit from their asshole is spilled all over your throw rug that is NOT 6-INCHES AWAY FROM THE HARDWOOD FLOOR.
I’d much rather listen to my cat puke his brains out than ever hear this piece of shit Eagles music video ever again.
Go ahead. Give a listen to Go Go Gadjet’s newest hit, “No One Likes Us / Fly Eagles Fly.”
Two thoughts: One, House of Pain looks terrible now, and two, this is entirely all of our faults for allowing such an atrocity to happen.
Yes, it’s YOUR FAULT, dear reader, and mine as well for ushering in the era of the “happy” Eagles fan. It’s a sickness that has spread through this region faster than a measles outbreak at the Cavallari household. We’re all too fucking happy and it allows for this shit to not only be tolerated, but ACCEPTED by fans.
Would this atrocity of a song ever be tolerated in any other year? Can you imagine these losers jumping around, pretending to fly, and crossing their arms in horrendous B-Boy stances while they sing a horribly remixed version of the Eagles fight song?
The guy in the Ertz jersey at the 0:44 mark would have had a rusty screwdriver shoved through his kidney if someone saw him pretending to flap his Eagles wings in public any other year except for this one.
We’re too nice now, too accustomed to nice things, and too happy. This shit would have been thrown into the proverbial trashcan and every member of the “troupe” bullied off Twitter…and deservedly so.
Now? It’s being celebrated. EMBRACED even. We’re too happy and too tolerant of garbage like this now.
I’m not saying I regret the Eagles winning the Super Bowl, but if someone told me that this video would be scrubbed from the earth if the Eagles had lost last February I’d have to seriously consider it.
Enough with this shit. Let’s toss aside this childish nonsense and get back to what made us great as a fan base…anger, an inferiority complex bordering on maniacal, and an overindulgence of alcohol.
(Or you can just buy a shit ton of Eagles merchandise from the Fanatic banners below. That’s cool too.)