Still thinking about the 76ers losing out on the LeBron sweepstakes? Still smarting from Josh Harris saying they “almost” had the greatest living player in the game in a 76ers uniform? Still worried that the 76ers are basically running back the exact same roster from 2017-2018 and are entirely putting too much pressure on Markelle Fultz to return to the form that made him the #1 overall pick?

Well let me put your tortured mind at ease with two words.

Milos. Teodosic.

Lord knows I don’t ask for much. Get this salty Serb into a 76ers uniform right now and you’re punching your ticket to AT LEAST the Eastern Conference Finals.

Who is Milos Teodosic, you ask?

Sit right back, and let me spin you a yarn from the old country.

For years, fables were told of a man from the Eastern Bloc who appeared only in grainy clips on YouTube, throwing no-look dimes to clumsy, oafish power forwards with an unfiltered, hand-rolled cigarette dangling from his lip. Fan were treated to glimpses of this transcendent point guard in cobbled together highlight packages and fleeting moments of international play that put his talents on display for all who dared to gaze at his glory.

Avert your eyes, mere mortal, but don’t miss a moment of this man’s UNEARTHLY passing ability.

Granted, 70% of his highlights were either a travel, a double dribble, or a carry, but oh my dear god can he throw a pass. He can sling the rock better than Marion Barry could smoke it.

And my goodness the handles. HIS HANDLES. Are you telling me you wouldn’t pay top-dollar to see this unshaven mess of a man running circles around Jayson Tatum?

Teodosic finally made his NBA debut last year as a 30-year-old rookie for the hapless Clippers and immediately got hurt. It was as if his finely tuned body advised him to shut it down for most of the season so as to save himself for what really matter….

Playing for the 76ers in the 2018-2019 season.

Sure he’d be a backup, but he could provide SOLID minutes to spell Ben Simmons. He could also serve as a mentor for the paper thin Markelle Fultz, showing the youngster the timeless art of a pick and roll or the best way to sneak a cigarette at halftime without the coach noticing.

Get it done, 76ers. Fuck LeBron.

You can buy a soon-to-be Milos Teodosic 76ers jersey by clicking the banners below.