I can’t believe this is happening. Just calm down, breathe….breathe….deep in, deep out, maybe I should sit down for a few minutes. You said what? Craig Carton, of Boomer and Carton, the guy I paid $1,200 to for two first-row tickets to Nickelback and Cheap Trick on Sept. 23 at the SaskTel Centre in Saskatoon, Canada, got arrested this morning? For running a fake ticket company that has allegedly scammed customers out of $2 million?

GOD DAMNIT. I’m going to miss out on the 2017 Feed the Machine Tour because of this SHIT, aren’t I?

This is worse than the time I gave Don Tollefson $2,000 for an exclusive “meet n’ greet” with Charles Barkley.

Okay, okay, maybe he put the tickets in the mail before he got arrested. It’s possible…yeah, that’s probably what he did. Fuck yeah, he definitely did, Nickelback baby!

We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
And time’s forever frozen still

I’m just kidding myself. FUCK. FUCK ME. FUCK MY LIFE. No. NO. This is not happening. You’re telling me I’m not going to get to rock out to the sweet, melodious, harmonic voice of Chad Kroeger? I’m not going to close my eyes and hear his fiery, passionate lead guitar licks? Snap my fingers to the competent bass chops of Mike Kroeger and rhythm guitar chords of Ryan Peake? Take a bathroom break when Daniel Adair tries to make the show about himself and goes into one of his patented drum solos? What a rascal that Adair is.

It’s all being taken away from me. I swear to Christ I will get you for this, Carton, I will make you pay for taking Nickelback away from me. I’m not sure how I will, but I will.

I’ll see you in hell. Burn it to the Ground.