The Juice is loose! The Juice is loose! I’m just kidding, folks, they’re never going to let me out of here. It’s great to talk to everyone again and address what everyone in America is talking about…Investigation Discovery’s new blockbuster series, “Is OJ Innocent? The Missing Evidence.”
What a series! Pulling in just over 25 million viewers a night, or so I assume, and letting them know the real story of how Nicole met her untimely end. The Juice has been saying all along that there’s missing evidence, and color me surprised when the television network went ahead and made a new series based on JUST THAT without even talking to me first! They must have some real, ground breaking missing evidence that will get the Juice off the hook for that nasty little rumor that has dogged me for the last two decades.
I can’t wait to get back to my life and be welcomed with open arms after everyone sees this series…the Juice is back!
Now, I think most people in America recognize that I did not kill Nicole, and I applaud Investigation Discovery’s dedication to the truth and helping out good old Juice restore his name.
Now, let me tell you something that nobody knew about Nicole…she loved to fall on knives all the time! She was so clumsy, but there she was, day in and day out, burying knives in the ground by their hilt, blade up, taking running falls towards them and seeing how many times she could land on them without hitting a major organ. She got real good at it too. Hell, the night she died she set her own personal record…falling on that knife more than 5 times! It was a testament to the kind of woman she was, dedicated to a fault. I should have stopped her, but you know Nicole, stubborn as a mule.
That’s a big piece of missing evidence there. Doesn’t it make sense? That she would fall on a knife she buried in the ground for fun, or that I stabbed her in a jealous rage when I saw her fooling around with Ron Goldman, then threw the knife down a storm drain three blocks away from my house to destroy the one piece of damning evidence that would have put me in the electric chair, lied about my actions in front of a jury of my peers after taking an oath in front of God, and only was able to save my own skin by hiring several high priced lawyers to confound the easily swayed jury members into my way of thinking?
That’s not the Juice’s style! I’m a good guy! She fell on that knife, she loved it, it was her passion!
So watch Discovery Investigation’s series on me and you’ll be convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am 100% innocent of all charges! And if you’re not convinced, I swear to god Juice will find where you live and slit your throat.
Come on, I’m the Juice!