All hands were on deck at the SportsPickle offices Wednesday night after news broke that the New York Giants would hire offensive coordinator Ben McAdoo as their next head coach.
Writers worked deep into the night, pitching their funniest names for McAdoo that would be best received by their discerning audience of readers.
“Personally, I don’t think there’s a better option than McAdoofus. It’s clean, it gets straight to the point, and it’s clever without being crass. So why are we wasting our time trying to find something else?” Head Writer John Crean asked the tired and exacerbated staff of 35 writers at the SportsPickle compound.
Crean warned his staff to not sit back on their laurels after other successes in the offseason.
“Tom, your Chip Smelly article was perfection. Just spot on for SportsPickle. And that graphic we had of Kelly with the smell lines coming off of him? Perfectly done,” Crean said, limply offering a pound to his writer. “But we need to hit a home run with McAdoo. It’s a huge audience and we need to put our best foot forward here.”
Crean said the site needed to distance itself from the “Slob Ryan” fiasco of 2014.
“We have a high journalistic standard we need to adhere to at SportsPickle, and frankly, I don’t think Ben McAdon’t is going to live up to what we expect,” Crean said, berating an intern. “Just clear out your desk, you’re through here at SportsPickle. You have no future with us.”
At press time, Crean congratulated his staff for the “New York Giants to hire Ben McAretard” article scheduled for Thursday morning.