A national report released today shows that 95% of participants who entered a bracket into a March Madness pool are reporting that they are already in last place and have no hope of winning.

This set the record for futility in the annual March Madness tournament, topping last year’s pathetic show of 92% of brackets being busted after the first slate of games.

“I don’t know what happened. I really thought Iowa State had the guard play and the poise to at least reach the elite eight. What am I going to do for the rest of March, I don’t even want to watch these games anymore,” Millions upon millions of dejected fans said Friday morning.

Millions of brackets were crumpled and tossed into nearby trash cans Friday morning, as their owners came to realize they wasted yet another $25 on pools again.

Adding to the frustration, the majority of pool leaders after the first day were secretaries named Helen who were invited into company pools at the final minute. Most of their winners and losers were chosen based on team names and/or mascots.