The Long Island Medium outed as fraud after predicting 90 win Phillies season


Theresa Caputo, “The Long Island Medium,” in her natural state.

Long Island, NY – Theresa Caputo, better known as the “Long Island Medium” to her fans, was recently proven to be a fraud when a grainy YouTube video surfaced of her at a Phillies employees retreat, which saw the famed psychic predicting the Phillies would win 90 games.

“I see at least 90 wins in your future,” Caputo was seen telling Ruben Amaro Jr., who promptly handed her a large, bulging sack affixed with a money sign.

National backlash poured in after a Phillies employee leaked the video under the account “LA69.” The video currently has over 5 million views and 4.8 million dislikes.

“I loved her show and she gave me a reading several years ago which was just amazing,” said Theresa Cantoloni, of Northern Liberties. “I mean, how would she have ever known that my mother had unfinished business left on earth when she passed away? That’s not something you just know, ok? But after I saw her declaring the Phillies would win 90 games, well, that was just it for me. She’s a fraud and I hate her.”

In response to the video, TLC immediately took all showings of “Long Island Medium” off the air and replaced them with reruns of “7th Heaven,” citing the show’s lead Stephen Collins was “less offensive” than Caputo.

“It’s sickening. How could we have been duped by such an obvious fake?” said Eileen O’Neill, President of Discovery Communications. “To make such a blatantly false prediction, it’s just awful. I’ve been vomiting all night.”

An Open Public Records Act form sent to the Phillies was returned to the CT, which revealed Ruben Amaro Jr. paid Caputo $2.7 million for the appearance.

(Note: Since Mediums are notoriously fickle, the CT would like to stress that this is a work of satire and nobody knows for sure if Caputo is a dirty swindler who preys on the innocent minded)

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