Op-Ed: “I’ve Always Hated Baseball” by MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred

Do people still even watch baseball in 2020? With so many other better, faster paced sports to watch, why is baseball even an option for this country? National pastime? More like the national passed-time, if you ask me.

Baseball has been passed over and left to rot on the side of the road. It’s a wonder there’s still a demand for the “bland old game.”

Frankly, I wish it would go away forever.

I mean, come on! Have you even been to a game? Let me assure you, you’re not missing much. There are far better ways to spend three hours of your life. What a bore. I can see why this was so popular in the 1930s, because what else did you have to do in the 1930s other than read about baseball and try not to contract polio? You didn’t have the choices you have today.

Why waste three hours of your day in the sweltering humidity of an August day when you could be sitting in your air-conditioned home, watching a replay of a classic NBA game or any of the 54 Super Bowls? You really want to sit in a stadium next to thousands of sweaty, out-of-breath losers eating $8 bags of peanuts?

Peanuts stink and I wouldn’t feed them to the dog I don’t have.

You’re really going to sit there with a straight face and tell me the crack of the bat, the smack of a ball into a mitt and all of that other saccharine horseshit of baseball stands up to the heart-pounding excitement of a blitzing linebacker keying in on a helpless quarterback, or a last-second buzzer beater three, or overtime playoff hockey? Have you seen overtime playoff hockey?! It’s amazing.

Baseball has nine boring innings. You can check your phone for 99% of the time you’re at a ballgame and miss nothing. And god have mercy on your soul if the game goes into extra innings.

You can’t even find MLB highlights on social media, it’s ridiculous. There’s a reason the average baseball fan is 57-years-old, the league does nothing to reach out to a younger audience. God forbid a twitter user with 37 followers tries to put up a highlight without the expressed and written consent of major league baseball.

This league is just so out of touch.

And these players, my god…all they care about is money. Nothing ever good enough for them. They don’t want to play for less than pro-rated salaries in a global pandemic…do they know how many people are out of work? The owners are trying to keep their franchises afloat, trying to just make ends meet for the love of the game (who knows why) when the players union just wants to suck them dry for the almighty dollar.

It’s enough to make you sick.

Good bye baseball. Your season is in jeopardy and I doubt you’ll ever recover. And to that I say good riddance.

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