When god closes a door, he also opens a window.

Disgraced former PHL 17 reporter Colleen Campbell has landed on her feet after being fired from the local media station yesterday after an expletive laden tirade against a Philadelphia Police Officer outside of Helium Comedy Club made the rounds on social media Tuesday.

Sure she humiliated herself and only invited further embarrassment after issuing a strange non-apology in an interview with Philly Mag, in which she claimed to only have “one drink” during the evening, but changed the amount to “one margarita, two shots, and two drinks at Helium” by the end of the interview.

But you know what, who’s counting?! It’s not a bartender’s job to judge, that’s the Lords.

Colleen will have to lean heavily on her secondary bartending career to make ends meet, so we reached out to the embattled reporter and offered her the position of Official Bartender at the Coggin Toboggan offices.

She’s perfect for the position. Ask her for one drink, she may end up giving you FIVE. What an employee! Plus, she’s hilarious, I can only imagine how she’ll keep the office in stitches with her raunchy one-liners about “those fucks” at the Philadelphia Police Department. I’m laughing just thinking about her shoe-smelling bit…what a card!

She never did get back to us, but we can only assume she was so taken aback by our generous offer that she needed a few days to recover.

Besides, Colleen you don’t want to miss our upcoming company get together, we’re seeing Mitch Fatel perform at Helium Comedy Club on June 22! It should be a great show and I hear they’re offering 50% off on all drinks