The Boston faithful were aghast Monday evening as throngs of boorish, malevolent and racist Philadelphia fans wearing Boston Red Sox jersey and Boston hats infiltrated the hallowed grounds of Fenway Park and hurled racial slurs and peanuts at Baltimore Oriole Adam Jones for the entirety of the game.
The Philadelphia fans – who evidently traveled hundreds of miles to Boston on a Monday evening for a meaningless Red Sox/Orioles match up in May – adopted perfect Boston accents for the game in an attempt to “blend in” with the home crowd, but were quickly exposed by the cordial Beantown residents.
“A Boston fan being racist and throwing objects at a rival competitor? I don’t think so, that’s not the Boston I know,” said a flustered Sully McTavish, 39. “Why, I’ve never heard of such a thing. Frankly, I’m more than embarrassed to think that anyone in this fine country of ours would ever, for a moment, equate a citizen of Boston with anything less than a perfect fan. You can practically smell the cheesesteaks coming off these Philadelphia fans. Why they’re decked out in Boston garb and speaking in Boston accents, I’ll never know.”
Adam Jones, who addressed the media after the game, apologized this morning for calling out the city of Boston for its horrific behavior when it was quite clear all along that this type of thing only happens in Philadelphia.
“I’d like to apologize to Boston. How could I have been so blind…a Boston resident being racist towards an African African and imbibing too much? On a work night of all nights? I really should have known better,” he said.
“God damn those Philadelphians. I was a bit surprised that so many came up here on a Monday night, but lets be honest, none of them have jobs or a good home life to get back to.”
At press time, the City of Boston recommended that all remaining Red Sox games be played away from Fenway Park so an incident like this never has a chance to happen again.